love

Divorce

Posted on by Dr. T

I remember watching a movie where a man continued to see his stepson even though he and his wife were divorced. The man’s daughter asked why, and he said, “You divorce wives not children.” What a great statement.

I lived with my mother and stepfather so I didn’t get to see my father much. Looking back, I wondered what my father could have done to make me feel like I was still a part of this life:

  • He could have called me every day. I didn’t hear from my father much. Since he was in the Navy, he was transferred to various ports— San Francisco, Florida, then Italy. Not only did he transfer to different places, he also remarried.  It would have been great for him to call me for a few minutes—ask how my day was, tell me that he loves me, say “good night” to me, etc. If we still lived under the same roof then he would talk to me.
  • He should visit me more often or allow me to visit him. When my father was stationed in San Francisco, we saw him at least once a month but when he moved farther away I never saw him. We could have visited him during the summers, but we didn’t. I realize that after he remarried, he couldn’t leave his wife to see us but he could have paid for plane tickets for us to see him.
  • Even if he couldn’t call me a few minutes every day then he could have set aside time to talk to me every week. Even if we had nothing in particular to talk about, it would have been good to hear his voice and to hear him say that he loved me.
  • He could have sent me letters or cards with meaningful words. I don’t remember receiving any mail from my father. He would send gifts every now and then but it would have been more special if he had included a handwritten note with it. 

I am thankful that my children were raised in a home with both their parents, but having a home with both parents under the same roof is becoming rare; even so, children still need to feel loved by both parents. Divorce or remarriage should not prevent parents from expressing love for their children. Parents should never divorce their children. 

Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti

The 29 things I love about my husband

Posted on by Dr. T

My husband and I will be celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary in two days (November 24th) so I thought it would be fitting to share 29 things that I love about him (they’re not in any particular order).

  1. I love eating breakfast with my husband (actually eating any meal with him is wonderful).
  2. I love going grocery shopping with him—I love how we have good conversations on our way there and back.
  3. I love how my husband tells jokes (I love his humor).
  4. I love it when he says, “I love you” to me.
  5. I love looking into his eyes.
  6. I love looking at his face especially when he’s asleep.
  7. I love watching him with our granddaughters.
  8. I love how patient he is.
  9. I love how he washes the dishes even when he’s busy.
  10. I love how he drops everything to help me.
  11. I love how he encourages and supports me.
  12. I love how he helped me get into the doctorate program, and how he cheered me on for six years.
  13. I love how he loves God and how he tells others about Him.
  14. I love how he loves our children and grandchildren.
  15. I love how he loves having family dinners.
  16. I love how he looks in a nice suit, and I love how tanned his skin is when he wears a white shirt with it.
  17. I love how he is willing to run even though he doesn’t like to run, and that he participates in 5Ks.
  18. I love that he wants to spend time with me.
  19. I love it when he hugs me.
  20. I love it when he scratches my back even when he’s ready to fall asleep.
  21. I love his smile.
  22. I love when he holds my hand in public.
  23. I love the way he looks at me.
  24. I love that he’s a hard worker.
  25. I love that he loves me just the way I am.
  26. I love tickling him and hearing him laugh.
  27. I love that he’s smart (much smarter than me), but he doesn’t flaunt it.
  28. I love the way he talks about historical things or explains complicated ideas to me.
  29. I love that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

Bonus: I love that he’s my husband, and I love that God brought us together!

Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti

Being strategic

Posted on by Dr. T

I had a crush on my husband (before we were married) when I was engaged to another guy– for me it was “love at first sight.” We had the same class at Ft. Sam Houston and we even shared the same lab table.

My future husband had no idea how I felt about him, and I don’t think he really knew “I existed.”  After I broke off my engagement with the other guy, I started to be more strategic about “accidentally” bumping into him at social situations.

One of those occasions was on Easter morning. My roommate woke me up and said that there was an egg hunt. I asked her who would be there and she named several people, including my husband. I immediately jumped out of bed and got ready.

I remember signing up for a flag football game just so I could be near him. To my delight, we were put on the same team, I really didn’t know how to play so  he had to tell me which side of the field we were on and in which direction I was supposed to run. Then after the game, we actually had a conversation!

I like to reminisce on these events because it makes me remember how much I wanted to be in my husband’s presence.

Then I thought about God and how I don’t always put the effort to be with Him. “…you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul” (Deuteronomy 4: 29). “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him” (Lamentations 3:25).

If I can put so much effort to being with my future husband, then I should put even more effort to being with God. Just as I was strategic to be close to my husband, I need to be strategic with my time to be with God.

Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti

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God answered my prayers

Aside | Posted on by Dr. T

Sometimes I wonder if God heard my prayers before I actually accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

Today I was on Facebook and on the right column it showed names of people who “I might know.” I noticed that one of the names was my ex-boyfriend from high school. I clicked on his profile and saw that he was married about three years ago—this means that he was either a widower or had a divorce because he was married before then.

I thought about what my mother had said when I was dating him, “He’d make a good husband.” I love my mother, but I knew she was wrong about this person; and because of her statement, I knew that she was not a good judge of character.

I remember the first time my mother met my husband (he was not my husband yet). He flew to California from Florida to ask my hand in marriage (he said he wanted to see the Queen Mary so we went there and that’s where he asked me to marry him and I said, “Yes”).

When I came home, I told my mother that he had asked me to marry him. Instead of being happy about it, she was a little upset. She didn’t like my future husband for some reason. The first thing she said was, “He didn’t ask me for permission” (I don’t think that was the “real reason” why she didn’t like him because she didn’t seem to like him even before then). Even though my mother didn’t like my husband, I still married him.

I know that if I had married anyone else, then I think my marriage would have ended with divorce. For some reason, I knew my husband was the right guy even though no one in my family seemed to think so.

Years before, I had prayed for a guy who would love me for who I was (not what he wanted me to be). I prayed for someone who would be a good husband, a good father, and a good provider. I prayed for someone who would be faithful. I prayed for someone who would be supportive of me. I prayed for a guy who would WANT to be with me for the rest of his life.

Even though I was not a believer of Christ at the time, I think that God still heard my prayers because He gave me my husband. On the 24th of this month (November), we will be married 29 years. I thank God for him every day.

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Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti

Conquer evil with Good

Posted on by Dr. T

When I was five years old I saw a strange figure standing in the doorway of the bedroom that I shared with my younger brother. We had bunk beds and I was on the top bunk that faced the doorway.

I remember that the hallway light was on so I saw only the silhouette of this person. The figure carried a long sickle and was dressed in a hooded robe. It stood there for a while then pointed his finger at me as it held the sickle with the other hand. I got so scared that I hid under my blanket.

I told my mother about the incident in the morning, but no one else had seen it. The other occupants of our house (relatives and friends) said that in the past, they had heard footsteps when no one was there. One person said that she could hear voices when no one was there. Another lady said that she had felt someone push her into the stream in the backyard when no one was there.

When we first moved into our current house, we felt the need to go to each room and pray over it— the house had a “bad vibe.” Later, we found stashes of hard porn movies, paraphernalia, and porn magazines in the basement and attic. We threw them in a dumpster. The basement also had numerous dart holes and areas where someone had punched holes in the wall.

As I thought about all these occurrences, I was reminded of this Scripture verse: “…we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits…” (Eph 6:12).

Unfortunately, Satan and demons are real. Sadly, many people dismiss that fact, just like they dismiss the existence of God.

When we encounter evil, we must combat it with Good—“…Only God is truly good…” (Mark 10:18).

Only Spirit can fight spirit— “…put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil…” (Ephesians 6:13).

God promises the following:

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty…

Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day… these evils will not touch you…

If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you…

For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go…

The Lord says, ‘I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name…’” (Psalm 91:1, 5,7, 9-11, 14, NLT).

Whenever I am fearful, I remind myself that God is with me. Whenever I feel scared, I draw closer to Him— I cling to God’s Words and His promises. Most of all, I remember that He loves me and that He will not let any harm come to me.

Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti

My husband, the father

Posted on by Dr. T

My husband and I became parents for the first time on August 18, 1985. Our first child only weighed 5 pounds and 12 ounces because he was born nearly five weeks early. I remember feeling the first pangs of contractions as we entertained my husband’s friends from Miami, but he kept assuring me that the pain was only “Braxton Hicks.”

Throughout the night, as the pain intensified, I kept telling myself that they were only “Braxton Hicks.” Finally, after a fierce contraction that left me lying on the floor in a fetal position, I woke up my husband and said that I needed to go to the hospital. He called his mother instead. After 20 minutes or so, she showed up, touched my belly, and said, “She’s in labor,” so we drove to the hospital. After four more hours of labor, our son was born.

My husband was overjoyed. He literally ran up and down the hospital corridors to tell people that his baby was born. The nurses had never seen anything like it, and rather than take the traditional Polaroid picture of mother and baby, they took one of father and son. The nurses told me that they had never encountered a father so happy about the birth of his baby before and that’s why they took a picture of him.

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My husband was thrilled with the birth of each of our four children, and he has been a good father to them. Thank you for setting a good example for our three sons to follow— I hope they will be good fathers to their children as you have been to them.

Psalm 103:13, “The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.” Proverbs 20:7, “The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.”

Happy Father’s Day!

Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti

Commitment

Posted on by Dr. T

Matthew 19:3-6, “Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him [Jesus] with this question: ‘Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?’ ‘Haven’t you read the Scriptures?’ Jesus replied. ‘They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

My son will be getting married on June 1st of this year.  I am happy about this. I have two other children who are already married and have children of their own.  My husband and I have been married for almost 29 years. Marriage is important in our family.

I think about all the marriages that take place in our country, and I think about all the divorces that also takes place. I often wonder if people actually look at marriage as a life-long commitment. I was thrilled when I first got engaged—the ring was beautiful; but one day I took a serious look at my relationship and asked myself, “Can I be married to this person for the rest of my life?” The answer was, “No.” I knew that if I married this person that my marriage would end in a divorce, so I broke off the engagement. How many people actually ask this question before they get married?

I then married another man– my husband. Our marriage was very rocky the first few years. I never realized how different we were and we dealt with conflict very negatively. There was even a point in the early part of my marriage that I considered getting a divorce because the tension was so great, but I thought about the question I had asked myself—“Can I be married to this person for the rest of my life?” My answer was, “Yes,” so I couldn’t give up just because we were having problems communicating.

We had some good days but we had many bad days—it was like that for the first 16 years of our marriage. It started to feel like we were just going through the motions of being married—like we were married only because we were obligated to stay together. Since we were both students at the seminary, we took a class together—a marriage enrichment course.

After several weeks of listening to lectures and doing role-playing exercises, we realized that our marriage was not all it could be. That one class made us realize that we had to work on our marriage so we signed up for marriage seminars and read books on communication. We broke patterns of old behavior that inhibited open communication. We still have times when we disagree, but we can actually discuss them now—no longer are we mad at each other for days on end.

I think we both recognized that God had brought us together but Satan was trying to pull us apart. Even though we both wanted to fight for our marriage, we were still battling Satan by our own power. We had so many false starts—times when we picked up the Bible and said we would read it together but after a few days we would stop.  It wasn’t until we actually made the commitment to read the Bible and pray together that our marriage really changed.

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I can never say it enough—if you are in a “loveless” or a lackluster marriage then please consult the One who is the Author of love and marriage, God—read His Word and pray to Him—do this together as one flesh.

Copyright © 2013 Dr. M. Teresa Trascritti